This is one of those posts where I don’t even know where to start. My sister wrote about this trip right after we got back, and she followed a day-by-day format. So, the creative snob in me is resisting doing the same thing. But I have to start somewhere, the beginning seems like a good place to do that.

About a year ago, my parents began asking my sister and I what we would like to do for Christmas this year, since it was an Alexander Christmas. We tossed out a few ideas (I suggested Circus Camp, but we all agreed that clowns are way to freaky), and we all agreed that Orlando would be a great place to meet for the Holidays. All of the grandkids are the right age for Disney, and they love the movies. At least at our house, Buzz, Woody and Lightning are still the main characters in just about every play session. Ella is very much into princesses, so this was a perfect match. To make things even better, my parents have a time share condo (or as Sam calls it, the “caddo”) and we could all stay together. As you would expect, GiGi jumped on this and had our reservations set for the following December. After months of planning, saving and talking up the Disney experience with the boys, the day to leave on the trip finally arrived.

Things got off to a rough start because the day before we left three out of four family members had to go to the doctor (Sam, Nate and myself). I will usually tough out an illness and avoid seeing a doctor, but I was just way too miserable this time around. We all got put on antibiotics, and we were on our way. By the time we got to Orlando, I was already starting to feel a lot better, as were the boys. Did I mention we drove from Fort Worth to Orlando? Yeah, that was interesting, but not really that bad.

I will skip directly to our first full day in Orlando. We took the first day to rest and recover from our drive by saying in the condo that morning, then we went to Downtown Disney for the afternoon. From an adult’s perspective, this is just about as cool as the theme parks. Well, at least for an adult who really likes food and people watching. If that is all you want, there is no need to go into the parks, but I’m pretty sure Sam, Nate and Ella were not going to agree with me on this one. Anyway, after a great meal at Raglan Road, we headed home to get rested for our first day in the parks. First stop, Animal Kingdom.

This is one of the newer theme parks that I had never visited, and I was curious to see what it was like. Is it a zoo? Is in an amusement park? Is it an educational experience? The answer to all three is YES. We saw real African animals, shows about animals (and fish), 3D movies about animals (and bugs), and actual Disney animals walking around the park. The highlight of this day was eating at Tusker House, a great restaurant where Donald, Daisey, Minnie and Goofy come to your table and dance around with loud instruments. The food was great (my favorite from the whole trip) and the atmosphere was a lot of fun. Remarkably, Sam and Nate actually ate their lunch.

Before moving on, I would like to interject an observation. Disney has made A LOT of movies. In fact, that is how they started and what they are known for. I thought I was pretty well-versed in Disney-ese, but I quickly found out I have a lot to learn. Yes, I am very familiar with the Toy Story monarchy and the Republic of Cars, and we still watch Monsters, Inc., Up, The Incredibles and Finding Nemo from time to time. But there are a lot of Disney films I have either never seen, or I haven’t seen them in so long that I completely forgot about them. If a person isn’t completely indoctrinated by the Disney library before visiting each park, you may feel a bit lost. There are a lot of Disney movies the boys haven’t seen, so there were some things they didn’t understand. They also didn’t understand why there was not one thing at Magic Kingdom or Animal Kingdom about Lightning McQueen. Besides Woody, Buzz and that whole gang, the Cars characters are who they really wanted to see. Just sayin’, Disney.

Anyway, back to the trip. We spent the next two days in the Magic Kingdom, and let me tell you, it was amazing. There is just too much to share about these two days. In a nutshell, our two days consisted of riding awesome rides, seeing Disney characters, watching shows, waiting in lines, scooching past massive crowds of people and planning which ride we would do next. Honestly, if you want to know what we did at Animal and Magic Kingdoms, you can see our photos. This was my third (and fourth) trip to the Magic Kingdom, and many of the things I loved about it have not changed. I was always a big Tomorrow Land fan, and it is very much the same as it used to be. Space Mountain, the People Mover, and the Astro Orbiter are all still there. They have added some new rides, as well, which the boys loved. Especially the Buzz Lightyear ride, in which you get to participate by shooting a laser at targets and accumulate points. Then of course, there were the standard rides that you MUST see if you are there, like Pirates of the Caribbean, The Haunted Mansion, It’s a Small World, the teacups, Dumbo and African Safari. I was also disappointed to learn that some of my favorites rides — namely 20,00 Leagues Under the Sea — were gone, and are being replaced with new additions to Fantasy Land. I guess Disney has figured out a formula for getting people to come back! If I am allowed to put forth one criticism of the Disney theme parks, it is that they seem to be all about the movies now. I remember that the movie characters were part of the Magic Kingdom in the past, but there were also a lot of things to see that were there just because Walt Disney wanted them there. It has always been very commercialized, but now it seems to be all about the movies. OK, that’s all I have to say about that.

Overall, this was the vacation of a lifetime. The boys still talk about the things we saw and did in Orlando, and I think they will love it even more when we go back. We had a great time spending time with GiGi and PaPa, and Uncle Joe, Aunt Katie and Ella. Seeing Ella’s reaction to the whole experience, particularly the princesses, was priceless. It was exciting, over-stimulating, exhausting and exhilarating, and more than anything, it was everything we hoped it would be.

This past Christmas (yes, I realize it was over a month ago), we entered a new era in our own personal Christmas tradition. This was the 4th Christmas for the boys, and this year we reached a milestone. I’m sure you are dying to know what this benchmark was. Did we reach the 200 mark on Hot Wheels cars? Did we set a new record on Christmas spending? Did I manage to survive on eggnog and candy canes or 25 days straight? No, it was nothing dramatic, but it does change things from now on.

For the first time, the boys actually ASKED for something for Christmas. As soon as all the turkey from Thanksgiving was put away and we had pulled all of the decorations from the attic, the Christmas advertisements started rolling in. Toys ‘R Us, Target, Walmart. Every Sunday brought a new barrage of colorful, multi-page ads filled with just about every toy you can imagine: remote control gadgets, video games, riding toys, Disney toys, toys from cartoons I have never even heard of, girls’ dolls dressed like prostitutes (sorry, Bratz, that is pretty much what you look like). For the first time, the boys pored over these catalogs and carefully examined each toy as if they were walking the aisles of F.A.O. Schwarz.

All of this perusing finally led to the big moment: The Christmas Wish. And what did they ask for? A blue S.U.V. At first, I was disappointed because we already have so many toy cars and trucks, we look like a miniature car lot. But the more they described it, I started to realize this was a toy they could actually ride on and not just another toy car. Gina and I already had something in mind for the boys, and we had to discuss this sudden change of plans a little bit. After some going back and forth, we decided that Sam and Nate would only be little boys once, and we went ahead with the purchase.

I will skip ahead to the big day, and I think we were more excited than the boys were. We had rushed back from Shreveport on Christmas Eve so the boys could open their presents at the house, and when they woke up that morning the blue jeep was sitting in the living room. Nate was very excited and jumped right in. Sam was not feeling all that well (nor was I), so his enthusiasm was more subdued. After some driving around in the house, we learned two things. First, this was going to be a lot of fun and we were glad we went ahead and got it for the boys. Second, they have a lot to learn about driving. In that regard, this Christmas is just a glimpse into what we can expect in about 13 years. For now, I much prefer the small plastic car that is driven on the sidewalk.

On the other hand, I have a tendency to psyche myself out when it comes to writing. When I wrote my Master’s thesis, I would avoid it for days, even a week, at a time, as if it were my dentist asking me why I don’t floss everyday. Then I would panic and start to freak out because I wasn’t making enough progress, and I would shut myself up in my room for 1-2 days and hammer out 60 or more pages. Then I would be mad at myself because I would have missed out on something I wanted to do in order to finish something I had to do. The truth is, I made that project much bigger than it really was by running from it all the time, then forcing myself into stare-offs with the computer screen until I finally gave in and just started writing something. My dissertation went much better, mainly because the twins were here by then, and I knew I would not have large blocks of time to write. After my wife and I put the boys to bed each night around 7 p.m., we would eat dinner and talk for a little while, then I would go to my office and write for 3-4 hours. I kept this up 5-6 days per week for about 7 months. I actually finished my dissertation well ahead of schedule and never really had any of those panic moments I did with my thesis paper. Or maybe I have just blocked them out.

I have come to a similar place with this blog. The last month has been a whirlwind, and I have a TON I want to write about. But the more I think about it, the more I get overwhelmed. The more overwhelmed I get, the more I put it off. The more I put it off, the farther away those events seem to be. The farther those events sink into the past, the more senseless it seems to write about them. Who wants to read about old news, right?

Thankfully, I ran across a great little post by Gretchen Rubin which has provided me with the kickstart I need to get back on track. Not only do I want to get my blog up to date, but I have several manuscripts that I want to finish by the end of the semester. She did a great job of stating what I already knew, which is that some progress each day is better than putting the pressure on one day to make up for several days of no progress. My personal tendency is to waste time if I think I have a lot of it to spare. When I block out a whole day to write, I don’t think twice about checking my e-mail, looking at Facebook or reading a blog or two. I mean, what’s half an hour when I have all day? The problem is, I may take several of those breaks throughout the day, then I start to feel hopeless because I have not made the chocolate-covered, massive, award-winning progress I envisioned myself making. If I commit the non-green sin of leaving my computer on and the document open, I am actually more likely to come back to it and write for 15-30 minutes. It’s much easier to keep the ball rolling than it is to start it rolling. (I suck at cliches.) I just needed a gentle reminder to get back to what I love.

Which is what I have done here. I have a lot I want to say, but I don’t want to start saying it right now. So I wrote about writing for a minute, and I will resume the blogging tomorrow. Then I will write a few lines on the manuscript with the nearest deadline. Then I will go to bed content that I did one of the things that makes me happy without making it a drag.

Anyway, it is that special time of year when homes all across every sub-division in America cover their house in lights, send Christmas cards to all of the people on their wedding invitation list and set out that most sacred of table decorations: The Nativity Set. Or as it’s called in our house: Hebrew action figures. I know the infant Jesus has more than a few likable characteristics, but from the moment the Nativity set is removed from the box, he is all the boys want to play with. Joseph is always in the barn keeping his post, and Mary has never – not once – turned up missing. But there is something about that baby wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger that must scream, “Encase me in legos and throw me in the bottom of the toy box!” Like that one time, when … Well, you know, some things are just easier to explain with pictures …

From our house to yours, Merry Christmas, and may all of your adventures begin and end with Jesus as the hero.

You can see the pictures up closes here: http://prezi.com/epettptxdxkc/christmas-in-pictures/

As you can see from the photos, the boys have really been enjoying the Christmas season this year. We started things off with their Christmas program at school, which was very cute, but it ended kind of quickly. It took us about 20 minutes to get the boys dressed and slicked back, 10 minutes to get there, and the program was about 15 minutes. When I consider the alternative, I am grateful for a short program.

The next big activity was the boys’ Christmas party at school. They got to have pizza for lunch, which is something they don’t eat very often. By the time I got to the school, they had already eaten two pieces each, and Nate was on his third. After they ate, the class worked on making a craft with pipe cleaners and beads. Sam and Nate each made a candy cane ornament, which they promptly put on the tree when they got home. Their favorite part of the party was when they got to decorate their own cookie with frosting and other goodies. It was a lot of fun watching them put their cookie together then eat it. I was hoping they would ask the parents to join in, but I just got to watch this one.

The next day, the boys wore their PJ’s to school because they were going to be watching The Polar Express. They were sick last year and missed this activity, so  they were looking forward to seeing this movie at school this year. I have to confess, we own this movie and they have seen it about a dozen times. But there is something special about watching it at school with all of your friends and wearing PJ’s.

Today, we decided to take a trip to Sundance Square in downtown Fort Worth to see Santa. We had heard he took a break from his work to visit some children in Texas, and we wanted to see him before he had to head back to the North Pole to finish all of the toys. Sam and Nate took a few pictures with old Saint Nick, then he asked them what they wanted to for Christmas. Their answer is always the same: a blue SUV. I hope Santa was taking notes because the boys are pretty serious about this one. One funny thing I noticed about this Santa is that he had a Texas accent. Never knew that about the old guy. After we visited Santa, we went to a pizza place for dinner. We took one last look at the lights then headed home.

I know we will have a lot more memories before this holiday season is over, but things are off to a good start.

This is the phrase the boys use when everyone from our family is together. Typically we will mention to the boys that we are about to go see <<insert family member>>, and the boys will respond, “Is it going to be all family?” Well, last weekend was definitely “all family.” We started out on Friday with Kendall and Zach coming to our house to spend the night. After playing for awhile and eating dinner, we went to Northwood Church for the Journey to the Manger. They had a live nativity, snacks and crafts for the kids, and a real petting zoo. I think the animals were everyone’s favorite part. We came home and the boys went to bed while everyone else stayed up and watched A Christmas Story. Needless to say, I slept through most of it.

The next day we hung around the house during the morning and early afternoon. The boys loved playing with their cousins in the house and at the park. Later that afternoon, Uncle Tommy, Aunt Carol and Kierra, as well as Granny and Granddad, came over and we all went to a Mexican food restaurant in Fort Worth to celebrate Granddad’s birthday. We had a great time enjoying wonderful food, conversation and time with each other. Afterwards, we came back to our house and ate birthday cake and opened presents. The boys still think that they need to help other people open their presents, which is kind of funny. Granddad was a good sport. After a very fun weekend, everyone loaded up and went home. We crashed.

It was a very eventful and fun weekend, and it got us excited about Christmas and all of the fun events we have coming up. It also made us want to stay in on Sunday and rest. Which we did.

]]> http://www.curbyalexander.net/family/2011/12/all-family/feed/ 0 http://www.curbyalexander.net/family/2011/12/the-bell-curve/ http://www.curbyalexander.net/family/2011/12/the-bell-curve/#comments Wed, 14 Dec 2011 12:07:55 +0000 Curby http://www.curbyalexander.net/family/?p=1055 Continue reading »]]> The bell curve is everywhere. Intelligence, body mass index, income, age for getting married, my belly after the holidays. The general idea behind the bell curve is that with any given measure, the majority of the population will fall somewhere in the middle. People who fall either way below or way above the average on any measure are few and far between. Of course, don’t tell this to parents with children in elementary school. They all seem to think that anything less than straight A’s represents a complete failure of the American educational system. “I know my child can’t read, but do you have any idea what a B is going to do to her self-esteem?” In this case, the bell curve looks more like a snow drift.

The idea behind the bell curve is fascinating to me. I mean, who came up with the idea of plotting tons of data on a graph and observing its shape? As if we all needed a visual representation of how average we all are. See, there you are, right there where the bell is about to crest. Yep, you’re average. The bell curve takes phenomena from the human experience and makes it, well, predictable. It’s hard to dream big when you have this big, bell-shaped graph reminding you that, despite your best efforts, you are still less than one standard deviation above the mean, and you might actually be below it.

This got me to thinking, what if I graphed typical events in my child’s life? Would the results be as predictable? Will the trajectory end up the shape of a bell? As you have discovered by now, there is only one way to find out: rigorous research. The results of my research, as seen in the graphs below, are quite surprising.

So, maybe parenting isn’t so predictable after all, and there are times when the bell curve looks more like a smile. And that is what you have to keep on doing if you are going to make it. Smiling is one thing you can do that makes you feel above average, at least in the 65th %tile, slightly more than 1 standard deviation above the mean.

And this is why parents love routines, because they they hate spirals of chaos. Truth is, any given moment during the day can turn into a spiral of chaos. Playing with toys, meals, sitting for a family portrait, riding in the car, going to a movie. These all seem like perfectly normal daily activities until you hand the ingredients to your little alchemist. Toys become the Gaza Strip; meals become abstract art; family portraits become a Jim Carrey movie marathon; riding in the car makes the bladder shrink exponentially with every foot you drive; going to the movie becomes a game of cat and mouse through the rows of seats. Our reaction to this impending spiral of chaos is establishing the scientific intervention known as routines.

Parents believe that if they can be consistent and establish routines, then it will make certain times during the day more predictable. So we work to establish bedtime routines, mealtime routines, clean-up routines, car-riding routines and bath routines. The key is to stick with it long enough that eventually you won’t have to think about it so much and certain activities will become automatic. You can just tell the child it’s time for bed and he suddenly gets drowsy. Tell her it’s time for a bath, and POOF, she’s next to the tub waiting for you to show up. Parental effort directed at establishing routines will typically fall within one of three patterns:

• Victory: the child learns the routine and cooperates with it
• Regression: the child cooperates at first then loses interest over time
• Anarchy: the child develops a routine that the parent neither established nor approves of

I have collected some data on different routines and graphed the following results:

There is so much about parenting that is bittersweet. The bitter side of it is that it goes so fast. Many of the cute things our children say and do seem to fade away without us even noticing. You just realize that one day they don’t say or do that cute thing anymore. Out of nowhere, they begin to use forks and adverbs and board games correctly, and you realize they aren’t babies anymore. Routines are great – necessary even – but they have a way of lulling us into thinking that a day is just a set of predetermined steps. It’s easy to miss the small gifts along the way. But if we don’t keep our sanity from day to day, we might miss even more. Routines are helpful to that end.

Of course, the sweet part of routines is that they help us mold our children into healthy, well-adjusted human beings that will one day step through the front door and into the world. It is at this moment that you will look back on your parenting and all of the routines you implemented so diligently, and you will know you did the right thing. Then you will go take a nap. At 1:00 sharp. No exceptions.

This Thanksgiving Gina, the boys and I spent a few days in Garland with Gina’s family. We also made some visits to see the Garland Gooches while were in the neighborhood.

The long weekend started with us going to Gina’s parent’s house on Thanksgiving morning. The boys were all decked out in their new sweater/shirt combo that we bought for a Christmas picture (that has yet to happen), and they looked pretty dapper if you ask me. I was pretty excited to get there, as well, especially for all of the delicious food. The first thing I saw when I walked in the door was my favorite strawberry jello salad, and I knew it would be a good day.

After spending some time playing and watching football, we sat down for lunch. We all went around the table to told everyone what we were thankful for. What I wanted to say is that I am thankful for strawberry jello salad, but I thought that might not set a good example for the children. I wish I had thought ahead to record everyone’s comments, but I was too focused on the food.

We spent the rest of the day watching the Cowboys play, napping, playing, visiting and eating some more. After everyone went home and the house was quiet, we all crashed pretty hard.

On Friday, we went to Mayberry Gardens to visit Big Daddy, then we swung over to Uncle Clay and Aunt Gail’s house to see them for a little while. Hal and Jessica both stopped by while we were there, and it was great to catch up with them. Jessica had just returned from her first round of shopping, which started at 6 a.m. That is real dedication! We went home so the boys could have a nap, then we took Granny and Granddad out for dinner that evening. For the second night in a row, we crashed once we hit the bed.

On Saturday, we wrapped up the festive weekend by heading out to Cedarbrake Farm for my Uncle John’s annual Wing Ding. We had a great time catching up with folks we don’t get to see very often, and the food was amazing. The boys loved playing with all of Callie Kay’s toys, which was good because it was too cold and muddy to have a hay ride. By the time we packed up and headed back to Garland, we were all beat. We loaded up all of our stuff at Granny and Granddad’s house, and made the final stretch to our house.

The entire week was a lot of fun, and we can’t wait for Christmas to roll around so we can start the celebrating all over again.

What these parents need to understand is that this has nothing to do with their parenting. It doesn’t. Conscious Discipline, Love and Logic, Dr. Spock? These are all great resources, but if you want to understand what makes children tick, you must understand how their brains are organized. You see every child has a complex database filled with every possible scenario you and your child might encounter together. Each scenario then has two possible responses: Pride and Mortification. For example, say you are eating in a restaurant and when the food is delivered to your table, it is discovered that there is something on your child’s plate that he doesn’t want to eat. Say, for instance, that item is green beans. Instantly, your child’s brain recognizes this scenario and must choose which response to use in this instance. If the restaurant is relatively empty and no one is watching, your child’s brain will send the message, “Eat some green beans and finish the food on your plate you do like.” Pride. And somehow we as parents want to take credit for this. However, if the waitress happens to be at the table refilling everyone’s water and a kind old lady has stopped by to tell you she has twin grandkids who are 6 and a man sees my hat and comes over to ask me how I think Virginia will do in basketball this year, the child’s brain will key in on this context and send the message, “Scoop up green beans with your bare hand and throw them across the table while screaming, ‘I don’t like green beans!’ then proceed to not eat any of your food and run around the restaurant.” Mortification. And we guilt ourselves into thinking we have failed as parents, which isn’t the case at all. Are you still skeptical? I promise, this is all true. I’ve tested it, and here is a graph of some preliminary results.

This one's for you, Edward Tufte!

I hope this is helpful to those parents who feel the need to save face in public. Your children aren’t purposely trying to act like Veruca Salt. They have just been blessed with incredibly complex cognitive abilities, and they are learning how to harness the power. I’m sure even Batman rolled over a few curbs before he perfected his Batmobile mojo; Superman probably hit a few trees in the beginning; Spiderman definitely got caught in his own web a few times. Children are constantly learning. This will continue until your children become teenagers, when the tables get suddenly turned. Until that glorious day, just roll with it.